Radiation Mapping

Today was not a good day.  Really, I just don't want to do this anymore.  I was really enjoying being DONE with something.  I was stressed all day about starting the radiation process.  This treatment will be at Brigham & Women's, and walking to the building and past the emergency entrance triggered a flood of memories from August, and the awfulness of the pain that brought me there, that resulted in days of fevers and then the giant second surgery.  That didn't help my state of mind.

Treatment is in the basement where they keep the fun toys.  I'll be irradiated by what is essentially a linear accelerator.  They prefer to have you lie on your stomach when the pelvis and lower abdomen are involved.  The table has a "face cushion" like you see on massage tables.  (Ah, if only this were a massage....). It also has a big hole in the middle, so when you lie down, as much of the small bowel as possible kind of falls into the hole and out of the way of the beams.  Having an ostomy makes this a little harder but not impossible.  Luckily mine is pretty small.

They got me all lined up, face down in this odd position, and did the scan for the mapping.  I had to drink a cup full of a barium solution first; not tasty.  Then I lay there a while so they could check the positioning and give me three permanent, freckle-sized tattoos with a small needle - one on each hip and a third near the base of my spine.  So yeah, now when I'm asked if I have any tattoos, I can say yes.

And that was it, for now.  I picked up my chemo pills -- all 140 of them -- and go back next Tuesday for a dry run.  They give you a special card to check in (because you are there EVERY WEEKDAY for six weeks or so) and go through all the motions to validate the mapping, alignment, etc., but don't actually zap you.  That starts next Wednesday...

To top it all off, the day started with me ordering a breakfast sandwich with my coffee and then forgetting to wait for it.  I didn't even realize it til I was already at my desk.  Thanks chemo brain.  And it ended with me running into a sign pole with my face when picking up my son from daycare.  I was smiling at the kids in the playground as I walked up and bam.  Now I have a welt on my cheekbone the size of a walnut.

But now we are going for Chinese food, and hopefully some good dumplings will make it all better.  I still don't want to do this anymore - but I'll save the rest of my tears for another day.