Missing the old normal

One of these days I want to wake up and feel normal - not the new weird scary normal, but the old comfortable normal.  I want to get up out of bed without thinking about it, eat whatever I want without thinking about it, get on my bike again, pick up my son, go take a walk or get on the bus or drive my car without the now customary period of mulling over whether I'm up for it or not.  I am not used to so much reflection about every little simple activity in my day.  It is starting to drive me a little bit crazy.

But, I think I'm still making progress, and am trying to get back to my real normal as best I can.  Last Saturday I went to a barbecue at my manager's house and saw many of my IT colleagues, which was wonderful... I sat the whole time, but still, an outing!  (I am grateful for the leave I'm currently on to recover, but I'll admit I do miss work, just a little bit.)  On Monday I took a walk with my daughter to the tennis courts down the street - here's our first-walk-out-of-the-house selfie:

Yesterday I took the same walk all by myself.  Today I am considering walking .7 miles to the post office and the bank - playing that by ear, but I think I could do it, especially if I take a break before coming back.  I'll have to mull that over later and see.

So that's one goal down.  I haven't yet gone a day without the oxycodone (maybe today will be the day).  I still have to consciously straighten up every time I stand or start walking (very strange for me).  I've removed some of the remaining adhesive - sneaky stuff, that is, hiding out where you least expect it. 

And now I have one new goal: GAIN WEIGHT.  I stepped on the scale a couple days ago and was shocked to realize I've lost a little over twenty pounds since all this started.  I could have stood to lose a few I'm sure, but twenty is not what I was shooting for.  All the visiting nurses have recommended Ensure.  Maybe going to the store to buy some should be my walk for today instead...

Tomorrow is my post-op follow up appointment with the surgeon.  Hoping for an all clear, or positive reinforcement, or something.  And then, if all goes well, I'm having a dinner date with my awesome husband :)