I was thinking today that I’ve been through a lot. Not just the cancer and the treatment and the surgeries, and this ongoing survivorship maintenance reminding me that at any moment it might come back. That seems like enough. But there was a lot before that, too, equally awful. And I have not given up, or despaired, or played the cancer card, or any of the other cards I could play. Everyone goes through hard things, difficult things.
So I feel it’s important to say to myself, to whomever, that it’s good to recognize the shit you’ve been through, that it was shitty and difficult and you’ve been through it and you survived. And you are tired, because surviving is all on its own just exhausting. And you survived for a reason - you’ve got better things to do, better experiences to find and to live through, better things to build, people to be with, art to make, changes to make.
I’m thinking, then - I went through all those things, am going through these things, and you are too, so I think we owe it to ourselves to do and be things that make us happy and not do or be things that don’t. I feel like I’ve put up and put up with all these appearances, and now I’m putting the world on notice. I’m not playing any more of your reindeer games. I did not survive for that.
Cheers to doing and being better, to some rigorous personal honesty.
