We are at NAC:1.
Earlier today I got the call from BWF (Faulker) and now know that surgery is scheduled for 2:45pm tomorrow afternoon. I can have clear liquids up until 11:45am tomorrow morning. I have only been able to have clear liquids all day today as well. I am hungry. I have reminders in all my calendars and a note on the fridge telling me not to eat anything. Ginger ale and Gatorade do not a meal make.
As this surgery approaches I find myself contemplating my anatomy more than usual. Or, more than the new usual, since I never contemplated it much at all before my diagnosis. I think I know way too much about my insides. Every scan since The Big Surgery has been fine; all the blood work has been fine; colonoscopy was fine; the most recent bizarre x-ray came out totally fine. What my surgeon saw with her very own eyes during the last surgery was perfectly fine. Still, every stray digestive gurgle or minute abdominal discomfort sends me into a differential diagnosis tailspin. Which of my (three! as of tomorrow) anastomoses is damaged and leaking bacteria across my gut? Does that heartburn mean I have stomach cancer now? Is the weird tiny pain a result of a slowly developing bladder cancer, thanks to radiation? Are my intestines getting twisted? Blocked? Are fistulas forming in unnatural places? Am I hungry, or is one part of my body gnawing at another part??
And I can picture all those things in my mind. It doesn't help that I've had various temporary endpoints of my anatomy clearly visible (to me) for the last 21 months. You can't help but picture it. I still remember the first surgery, the first time I peeked under the hospital gown to see what the heck this thing was, and was so completely horrified. This was just a few hours afterwards, when I was still distended from blockage and attempted bowel prep, and so many things were aggravated and swollen. I only had that diverting transverse loop colostomy for a month but it was by far the worst one of them all.
But tomorrow, no more! At least no more clearly visible anatomy that shouldn't be clearly visible. I'll probably never stop wondering what might be going wrong with my insides.
Onward and upward. A few minutes ago I started the pre-op antibiotics. Last time around these made me sick to my stomach; I expect the same this time. The pharmacy inserts advise that you "take with crackers, bread or a small meal" to avoid this. Such a very cruel joke right about now. I'm having coffee for a late afternoon snack, more ginger ale for dinner, and perhaps some different flavor of Gatorade for dessert and to swallow the last antibiotics before bedtime.
More news when humpty dumpty is back together again.
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